Chapter V ~ Under the Sea

“So... are you married?”
“Ssssshut up, I’m not interessssted.”
“No I’m just making small talk. So what never found missus long slim and green?”
“When’sssss your friendssss coming to free ussss?”
“Oh I see now, your just someone who closes up the entire world, because I bet there’s a nice young serpent in that cold blood of yours that’s afraid to get hurt.”
“Ssssufferin' ssssuccotassssh.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So Lagalos, where is the snake king again?” Minty was using Lagalos’ bow as a paddle.
“Uhh Slitt said west of Misfortune. So go north and west.” Lagalos lay down listening to the waters slosh by.
“It’s going to be a long paddle there Lagalos.”
“I know Minty... I know...”
“So.... are you married?”
“Uhg I bet Inferior doesn’t have to put up with this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Furry I’m sorry, it’s just that a guy like me...”
“Ugly guy.”
“Yes yes ok an ugly guy like me never had a chance... to kiss a girl...”
“What about a blind one Goon?” Rebel piped up.
“Remember the smell... and he sounds ugly too.” Stealth jumped in eagerly.
“Also just being close to you makes me feel ugly.” Furry added.
“Ok ok jeeze what is this? It’s not like I wanted to be ugly, just... forget about it...” Goon wanted to jump into the water right then, drown away his entire sorrow and pain. Except for some reason he was sure it’d just spit him back out, rejecting him.

“Awww Goon, we’ll find you a nice girl, or something that wouldn’t care what you look like.” Rebel said soothingly.

“Like what? A rock?”
“No the rock would commit suicide Goon. Something with less personality and life... Like a H&H player.” Everyone stared at Stealth. “Are you telling me no one played H&H?”

“S&M for me, but H&H? Is that like Horns and Humps?” Furry kept flying the manta without looking back.

“No... S&M really? Anyways it’s Houses and Humans.”
“What?”
“You know it’s a role playing game, except in a world just like ours, without magic, but with this thing called technology.”
“Explain.” Furry’s ears perked up and tilted back to hear better.
“Well you play as a human, in a house, and you do things like eat, bath, feed, work, make money...”
“What about defending your village against wraith attacks?”
“No wraith attacks, but you do have salesmen which are like annoying merchants try to invade your House. And you level by the amount of time passes by, you live to be 5 years old before you kill yourself with a lighting socket, your level 5.”
“Interesting keep going on...”
“Well you go to school and maybe pick a religion.”
“Whoa whoa whoa... you go to school?” Goon scoffed, “That’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard... where do they sell them?”
“Ummm yes the merchants sell them.”
“Hey we’re here.” Furry jumped onto the beach and transformed into a fox.
They started to move around as they found many snakes just lying about and sunbathing.
“Ummm aren’t they suppose to attack us?” Goon looked at Stealth.
“Hey you, lazy snakes, why aren’t you attacking us?” Rebel casted her spells for combat.
“Masssster Ssssslit’ssss away, ssssssso vacation for usssssss...” The snake rolled over to get a nice even bake.
“This is weird... Like someone’s sleep deprived fantasy...” Goon looked up towards the sky, “YOU HEAR THAT? MAKE SOME SENSE HERE!!!”
“Shut up.” Furry said and punched Goon in the chin.

They eventually found the encampment and discovered the recent occurrences.

“HEY INFERIOR!”
“REBEL? REBEL IS THAT YOU? OH THANK GOD TELL ME YOU HAVE THE CROWN!”
“NOPE!”
“FURRY TOO? WHA WAIT WHY ARE YOU GUYS HERE?”
“WE’RE GOING TO GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THERE AFTER THE CROWN KING DEALIO!”
“OH JEEZE GOON, IS STEALTH THERE?”
“NO! HE DIED ON THE WAY HERE!”
“WAIT WHAT?”
“HAHAH JUST KIDDING HE’S RIGHT HERE CHOPPING US A NEW RAFT!”
“TELL ME, INFERIOR WE KNOW ABOUT YOUR ADVENTURE WITH THE MERMAID, TELL US ALL ABOUT IT IN FULL DETAILS.”
“OH COMMON DOES EVERYONE KNOW?”
“YES”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mr. Strider was tied up and strung like a swine as they carried him on a stick towards Ariel’s chamber. She always had an extra maid or two out of his range, just in case he escaped. This was going to be difficult he thought.

“hello handsome” Ariel was now without her bra. “you can place him here, and lock the chamber door.”

The maids left him there, and then as the heavy coral door closes, Mr. Strider heard a stone grinding lock.

“I know you can escape from those bondages, so why don’t you go ahead and make yourself comfortable?”
“Uh you know what? I think I’m good, I hear being tied up helps you stay thin.” He needed to buy time, think of something. But all he could think about was his wife.

“then I can have some fun?” Ariel went to her drawer and pulled out a knife shaped like a miniature sword fish. Smiling she slowly drifted towards him, licking the blade with cruel intent.

“Um you know what? I need to use the washroom, you know, for the last time? All this warm water kind of makes a guy like me want to go.”
Ariel stopped, and looked at him suspiciously, and then she nodded and cut his binds apart. “but I’m going to watch you, can’t have you being too clever.”

Ah great, he thought, and gave her his signature smile. She showed him the chamber’s duty zone, where there was a small hole in the wall, powered by magic that constantly had a small whirlpool effect to take away waste.

“mmmm it’s just like I remembered it.” She stared with a hunger growing.
Think think, damnit there has to be a way... some way to keep her occupied. Just stalling is good at this point. Just.... how the hell do you stall a man-eating mermaid with sadistic sexual needs? Uhg all of this because of Lagalos... WAIT! Lagalos, he would.... foreplay... yes that’s perfect.

“Ok Ariel I’m done, but let me ask you this. Ever felt empty after your ritual with the men?” Mr. Strider carefully pulled up his pants, to not looks so eager.

“never, I feel very sleepy and satisfied.”
“No I mean as in, your emotional needs.” Yes you clever bastard keep going it’s going good just look at her. “Do you know why you feel loneliness? A yearning where you constantly have to eat more men?”

Ariel stopped to ponder a bit, then almost as though she gave it some thought, she lunged at him and tore off his shirt.
“Hold on hold on! Don’t you want to try something that we try on land?” Trying to hold her head at bay, as he smooth long tongue coils to savour the flavoured salted Mr. Strider.

“oh? What do you mean?” Sighing very quietly in his head he said, “Humans, untamed and even the elves have foreplay, to intensify the action of their sex ritual.”

“you mean you have such a technique? Why would this have never been told d to us before?” Because... no one wants to have sex with freaky maids like you...

“Here I’ll show you, just go over there as I prepare my patented ‘Around the world’ ritual.” Oh god.... please to the love of god, I hope this works on a mermaid.
As he undressed, Ariel was waiting with curiosity, and a growing hunger that is only held at bay for only so long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So and then mamma said, ‘Minty don’t lick that cat! You don’t know where it’s been’ and I say ‘Of course I know where it’s been, he fell into duck poop, that’s why I’m cleaning him.’ And blah blah blah, I mean it wasn’t a big deal right? A cat needs cleaning, and I have a tongue, it only tasted like watery bitter bark.”

“Uh huh, are we there yet? I think the air smells like snakes.”
“Oh we were there a long time ago, a few hours I think.”
“What?”
“I just wanted to talk.”
“How many snakes?”
“A lot, like fifty, and the island’s pretty small, actually I think the snake king can see us. Oh yep he sees us, he’s just been preparing his army.”
“How big is he?”
“I’d say bigger than a tree.”
“What kind a tree?”
“A big tree.”
“Your mother was right, this is why you should stay in the meadows, to not have blind elves like me killed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So we need to get the snake king’s crown, where we’ll find Lagalos and this person named Minty. Then bring it back to Slitt who’s buried with Inferior, and free them both where then we would have a new snake king. But then we need Inferior’s knowledge of where the underwater mermaid community is to save Mr. Strider.” Goon was recanting everything they needed to do.

“Sounds about right.” Furry said.
“Funny how we were suppose to go find those two first, now we have to find those two to find one of us who were looking for those two.”
“Can you just be quiet? Uh Furry how much longer?” Rebel was getting nervous, everything was happening too fast, and they didn’t have a lot of time, Lagalos could die from the snake king, and Mr. Strider could be having angry cannibalistic sex with a mermaid, while Inferior could be killed anytime by a snake general.

“Acutally we’re making very good speed, this raft is moving much faster then the one with spider legs. We’ll be there in a day.”
“Good, I just pray that Lagalos and Minty haven’t already reached there.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So where is he again?” Lagalos was standing as Minty tried to make in face the right direction.
“But there’s a lot of snakes in the way.”
“Huh is it just me or is it that the further along we go, the more snakes we see, and the smaller the area becomes...”
“I think it’s just you. So what’s your plan again?”
“I’ll challenge the snake king to a duel for the crown. Kings never refuses a challenge.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yep, I’m an official king to a few things.”
“Really? Like what?”
“I’m the King of Aggroe.”
“What?”
“Ok I’m going in; you make sure no snakes bite me on the way there.”
“Ok.” Minty followed Lagalos as they walk towards the king, none of the snakes has attempted to kill them or attack. Strange to hear such silence, Minty had to stop Lagalos from going to close to the snake king.

“Mighty Snake King, I have come here to claim your crown, and battle you in combat.”
“SSsssssoup mussssssic.” The snake king just slithers around, and around, paying absolutely no attention to them.
“Uh Minty what’s going on?”
“I think, the snake king is retarted.”
“Oh.” Then pulling out a carrot arrow, he blindly shot and miraculously hit the snake king squarely between the eyes.
“Sssssssoup go sssssssssmack nowssss!”
“What?” But before Lagalos could react, the snake king picked him up with his tail and swallowed him. Then Minty was there left alone as the king returned to slithering in a circle talking about soup.
“Lagalos?” Minty whispered out.

Inside the belly of the snake king, Lagalos was slowly feeling an increase in pressure as the digestive tracks tried to crush him to paste.
“Great now I’m in a giant snake on an island full of snakes.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Rebel, Lix, Goon and Furry touched land, they first said “Whoa that’s a big snake” then they saw the raft and quickly found a venomancer whom they assumed was Minty.

“Where’s Lagalos?” Furry asked.
“He’s in the snake king... he... he... he was...” Minty sobbed, it’s been a day now and she was sure he was dead. “eaten” she whispered, Goon came towards her and held her when she broke into tears.
“Ssshhhh there there it’ll be ok.” Goon reassured.
“Noo it’s... not that, now I’m being touched by an.. ugly man.” Minty broke into tears again.
“Goon stop tormenting the girl, we have a snake king to smash open.” Lix ran off towards the snake king, slicing up every snake he saw along the way, though they just stood there mindlessly.

Rebel, Furry and Goon followed him and quickly they engaged in battle. They fought for hours, the snake king, as unintelligent as he was; still manage to put up a good fight. He instantly would have a casting that made them all slow down, as he would slap them around with his tail.

“This is taking too long! I don’t think we can keep up this forever.” Furry said, her army of beasts and creatures were exhausted.

“We need something to hit him hard. His outer skin is too tough!” Lix was still trying to hack away at the snake king.

Then as though their prayers were answered, suddenly the snake king stopped attack. He lurched forwards and backwards. Then a bulge appeared on his belly side. Then came Lagalos out of the wound he made from the inside.

“And that Minty is how you kill a snake!” Lagalos stood up covered in snake blood.

“LAGALOS!” They all screamed, and the confused elf was then tackled to the ground in embracement.

When they all recanted their events, they then realized how big the crown of the snake king was.

“How are we supposed to lift this thing?”
“This is why no one wants to be snake king, the crown would crush you.”
“Ah crap this is going to take forever.”
So they left with a small chunk of the snake king’s crown.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They made quick time getting back to the island where they managed to free Inferior, whereas Slitt had committed suicide from Inferior’s excessive conversation.
“I was just trying to keep myself from being bored.” Inferior would just say. Then they all were almost complete again. With only one person left to find.

After restocking on supplies and resting, they all rafted out to where the mermaid village was, and seeing how only four of them could breath under water, Minty, Furry and Goon were left behind.

“Under the sea, under the sea, nothing is wetter, nothing is better, take it from me....” Lagalos sang as he followed the rope tied to him to Lix.

“Furry’s wetter.” Rebel replied with a devilish smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back on the raft, Furry twitched a bit.
“What’s wrong?” Minty asked.
“I don’t know I thought someone was making a sexual comment without me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They began to go deeper, as then they saw the luminescent glow from the village. Staying as hidden as possible, Inferior showed them where he was taken to last time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Within the chamber there were consistent screams from Ariel and grunts from Mr. Strider as it echoed through the coral walls.
“Stop moving, it hurts when you do that.”
“well your not making this any easier.”
“Well this is what we do up there.”
“why do you have to be so rough.”
“Because you have so many flaking scales it’s unappealing, no wonder men don’t swim down here for you. Once I’m done men will line up for you.” Mr. Strider was peeling off dead scales from Ariel’s tail, which as preceded by a massage, a manicure, and hair cut.

“ooohhhhh ow ow ow ow.”
“Uuuhhhgg.” Mr. Strider got another scale under his finger tips, making another small cut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The party had no problem reaching the chamber door, as no one expected an attack, and then they put their ears up to the wall, they heard the muffling sounds of sadistic pleasure. Opening the stone door, they rushed in and found that they had the wrong room.

“Oh thank god! Oh jeeze please save me.” They looked at the man tied to the stone, and the mermaid that has already started the ritual.

“Mr. Strider?” Lagalos said blindly.
“No my name is Tegar, barbarian of the untamed, please help me.”
“Uh maybe later do you know where Mr. Strider’s chamber is young maiden?”
“um yes three chambers down to the left.”
“Thank you.”

They left and broke into the right chamber, but not before listening to them through the stone door.

“He sounds like he’s having fun.”
“Yep that sounds like his patented ‘Around the World’” They looked at Rebel, and she said, “Oh common most girls would know what I’m talking about.”

“Ahem anyways, lets go in.” They broke in and there Ron was, applying a perm to Ariel’s red hair.
“Yep good times.” Rebel said.

“Oh thank god you guys came, I was almost at to the part where I had to have sex with her.” Ariel was furious and was about to cast a spell when Rebel casted her own water spell. Ariel then lay limp.

“Oh hey Lagalos, guess you came to save me.”
“No not really, just wanted to say, this is what you get for all those ladies from the past.”
“Hush you.”

They swam back up as Mr. Strider told them about the dilemma with his wife, being on some mysterious trip possibly with hired hands.

“So your wife is in danger... oh jeeze I bet you anything, it’ll be around snakes.”
“Don’t know for sure, but we have to get to Plume fast.”

"Ely completes another compelling masterpiece of his ongoing saga. Two thumbs way up" says JudgeDread and Hobocop; of the Etherblade Times

"I nearly vomited I laughed so hard" raves Ryewhiskey of the Plume Gazette

Ely...I'm speechless...but in a very good way. It was definitely worth the wait... .

aww thank you, =P it seems to me the chapters are getting progressively longer. Don't know if that's a good thing =P.

hell yeah it is

Aw but Rina, eventually I'll be writing for hours on end =P.

then type faster

Noooo but then eventually I won't play PW world anymore and then eventually you all won't play it too. Because your trying to read all my chapters which yes... =P.

Then we all fall down. Into a spiral of our imagination in the closest form of purity.

Rina wrote:then type faster

this sums it up Ely

Ahah you all want me to have carpoltunnel syndrome? Then for you all I shall =P.